Adventures in karaoke

I've been meaning to write about this FOREVER, but blogging keeps getting pushed to the back burner lately. Without getting in to it too much, there's been a lot going on, so blogging is pretty far down on the list. But this story's epic, ya'll. And its guaranteed to make you laugh.

A few weeks ago, I hopped in my car and headed over to my sister's friend's birthday party at The Mint in San Francisco. My role for the night was to provide backup for my sister in the event that she ran into someone she really didn't want to see. Because that's what sisters do. Anyways, ever heard of this joint? I surely hadn't. All I knew was that it was a karaoke bar, and that alone scared me. But when I heard that it was a predominantly gay karaoke bar, I became interested. This might actually be kinda fun, I thought to myself. I had zero plans to sing any songs, but hey, I could do a night of karaoke and free drinks...sure.

When we walked in, someone was doing a HORRID rendition of "With a Little Help From My Friends". It hurt my soul. Somewhere, John Lennon was rolling over in his grave. Everyone in our party looked at one another skittishly. Oh man, I thought. This was gonna be a LOOOONG night. But after several drinks, several songs by people who were pretty good, and several who where TOTALLY having a blast regardless of singing sucktitude, I stared to sing along in my seat. Before I knew it, I looked over to see TW (sis's significant other) BELTING out the lyrics to "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Yeah, that's right, the Rick Roll. Funny thing was that I also knew all the lyrics. Alcohol was flowing, people were singing fun songs, and I had to admit to myself that this wasn't so bad.

Then, like 5 people in a row sang totally sappy, Debbie Downer, buzzkill songs. You could totally feel the place's energy go right out the door along with more than half the people. The vibe became so serious! Puccini's "Nessun Dorma" at a karaoke bar?! Really?! I don't care if you can totally rock that very difficult song (which the guy did)....karaoke is supposed to be silly and fun. Like Spice Girls, Bon Jovi fun. Like Sir Mix-a-Lot fun. Sir Mix-a-lot. Hmmmmm. That gave me an idea. In my drunken mind, I devised a sure-fire way to get people involved, hyped up and singing along again. I grabbed a pen and a request form, snagged $5 from TW, wrote down my name as well as my sister's and submitted it to the sleazy "DJ".

Ten minutes later, my sister and I found ourselves up on stage BUSTING out "Baby Got Back". Keep in mind, we're two very white girls in a gay karaoke bar. The details of the actual performance are a little fuzzy to me because of the nerves and the alcohol, but apparently neither of us looked at the screen once for the lyrics. There were mad dance moves on stage, dancing off stage, and people cheering us on. Because we were seriously working the dance moves while trying to sing, we were pretty out of breath. Looking back, I personally feel like I could have done a better job of bringing Sir Mix-a Lot's vision to life. But one fact was clear: the white girls single handedly got the place hopping again! Massive high-fives ensued as we left the stage. Somewhere, at the back of The Mint, I think I saw the "Nessun Dorma" guy giving us the stink eye.

I called it a night shortly after that. I figured there was no way I could top my performance, so I decided to end on a high note. There's no video, thank goodness, so the memory of bringing the bar back to life lives on only in a few pics that people managed to get. Regardless of how apprehensive I was walking in to the whole event, I walked out of the bar feeling like a freaking star. Karaoke's good like that. Perhaps next time, if there is a next time, I'll do it a little more sober, though...

Video of some of the most amazing moments I experienced that evening coming soon... promise, its worth it.

Gardening 101: Fertilizer

Yes, its that awesome KFC bucket from last post, now with a half eaten watermelon, small rind and wet paper towel thrown in for what I can only assume is fertilizer. How this whole setup will work is beyond anything I can understand. Perhaps my neighbors know something about soil science and osmosis that I do not.

Whatever the case, one gardening fact remains: I cannot make this shit up, folks.

Gardening 101: Planters

Lately, a few of my friends have been posting lovely pics of their gardens and the fruits of their labor. BT's tomatoes look mouth-watering (like, seriously!), Arvay's squash has me thinking about delicious soups and raviolis, and Miss E's garden looked to be coming along nicely (although I couldn't find pics!). Well, all you fancy-schmancy gardeners, have I got a treat for you!

Behind our house, there is a "garden", although it is not maintained by either DJC or myself. Our wacky neighbors have haphazardly planted all sorts of things that we can't identify in all kinds of unusual "planters". So, in honor of my friends' hard work and carefully planned out gardens, I present some photos that are the EXACT OPPOSITE of that:

What the hell is this thing? Honestly. And if you look closely, I'll bet you can see the KFC BUCKET that something else unidentifiable is planted it. The best part is that the KFC bucket is semi-planted in the ground. Nothing says garden fresh produce like KFC. Word.

More unidentifiable stuff. And look! There's that awesome KFC bucket again! I can't get over that thing!! Seriously, how much do proper planting buckets cost? I'll bet its a lot less than a greazy bucket of chicken.

This might be my favorite backyard sight. No, your eyes do not deceive you. This is a bunch of random crap...planted in AN OLD BATHTUB! I don't get it. Where does one even get an old bathtub? And moreover, what possesses one to turn it into a planter?! Notice that there is plenty of good, old fashioned dirt all around the bathtub. So strange.

These are growing on one of the plants in the bathtub. They look like little chili peppers. Little black, poisonous, stinky chili peppers. What are they in reality? I have no freaking idea.

Another creative "planter", or, as the rest of us in the normal world call it, a recycling bin.

I believe the shrubbery on the ground is a cherry tomato plant that has all but killed the Meyer lemon tree that was originally there. This tree used to produce lovely, delicious, sweet lemons. It still kinda does, but the fruit is now MUCH higher up on the tree. The neighbors have over-fertilized the tomato plant to the point where it has taken over pretty much everything else in the area. The irony of the whole mess is that the plant hardly produces any tomatoes. Most of them spoil before they are ready to be picked.

Here's a better shot of the once prolific Meyer lemon tree. Notice that it's being choked by whatever is growing near it. Also, notice all the random junk in the background.

This whole area is a sore spot for DJC and I, as we would like to be able to use it, or at least make it nicer, but since we do not own the building and the other tenants are relatives of the person who does, we get bubkus. Its a bummer that we can't make the space a decent place to actually grow fruits and veggies, but every now and then I do get a strange laugh out of the plants in the bathtub....

Harry Potter: A brief review

After my weekly waste of 3 hours (read: my "psychology" class), I needed something to cheer me up. So, I went to see the latest Harry Potter movie by myself at 3pm yesterday. I bought my matinee ticket, snagged a package of frozen (!!) Junior Mints, and took a seat near the back. I was ready to rock. Movies!! YAY! Fun!!

Ok, lemme just say that if I was looking for something to cheer me up, I picked the wrong damn movie. Man, this is a one hell of a dark tale. Around the time of The Prisoner of Azkaban, the tone of the Harry Potter saga took a darker turn and since then, all of the movies have been decidedly...well...dark with more adult topics. Half Blood Prince is no exception. Some of the scenes are downright scary (OMG, the chick with the necklace and the locket in the bowl scenes!!) and I'm 33 years old, damn it. I think any kid would be scared bonkers by this movie, but then again, some of the very adult ideas and themes might just sail right over their heads, leaving them a bit confused. For a series that has traditionally been marketed towards children, this movie is definitely geared more towards the adults in the audience.

I gave up reading the books after The Goblet of Fire because the books and movies didn't really match. Apparently, that's very much the case with this last movie. I'm kinda glad I didn't read the book, though, because there were some seriously shocking moments that I would have known about and expected and its much more fun to be surprised. But I hear from people that have read the book that the movie isn't even close. Apparently, they would have had to make it like 3 1/2 hours to fit in all the plot intricacies. At 2 hours and 45 minutes, I wasn't bored, but I wasn't loving every second either. I totally couldn't get enough of The Sorcerer's Stone and would have been happy to watch another 2-3 hours with no complaints. Not so with this one.

Anyways, I still loved this movie as a whole. I thought it was beautifully done and its great to see that some of the cast, who we all met as children, have actually become very good actors. Its just that I feel its not for kids. Parents, when your children have to ask what's going on every second of every scene, you know its probably a good idea to leave them at home, that's all...

Weekend roundup...the photography edition

This truly was a gorgeous, but strange Bay Area weekend. The weather was all over the place...sunny one minute and raining the next. Yes, rain. In July. IN CALIFORNIA! Weird, I know. But the erratic weather really did make for some excellent photos. Here, have a look:


I took these at the Naval boat dock right down the street from our house after dinner on Friday night. A few minutes after we left, I noticed in my rear view mirror that the sky had become even more orange and amazing. I was bummed that I didn't get some better shots, even though these are pretty good. DJC always says I'm impatient. Guess he's right.

This was taken from our back steps minutes after it stopped raining early Saturday evening. BL happened to be on his way over to our house around the same time and described his weather experience for us: "One minute, the sun was so bright I literally had to put my sun glasses on and lower the sun shade in my car so that I could still see the road. The next minute it was raining, but it was still sunny. SO WEIRD!!" On the way up our back stairs, he pulled his cell phone out to show me a pic he had just taken of the resulting rainbow, but then I saw this one behind him. By the time I grabbed my camera, this was all that was left. Still pretty damn cool, though.

Recently, I've been experimenting with Trader Joe's fresh pizza crust. The top pic is my very first effort. I made a BBQ chicken pizza with thinly sliced heirloom tomatoes, lipstick peppers and aged gouda. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it was effing *delicious*. The bottom pic represents my attempt at recreating the "You Say Potato" pizza from Escape from New York. This pizza has a pesto sauce, thinly sliced red potatoes, roasted garlic, mozzarella, smoked fontina and parmigiano reggiano cheeses. Although it wasn't quite the same, it was still very tasty. I can't say I'll ever go back to buying frozen pizza or ordering takeout again. TJ's fresh crust tastes great and is way more cost effective, not to mention more fun.

Another great weekend in the books. What did you all do? Anything cool? Happy new week, ya'll. =)

OH! BTW, Dr. Cromartie accepted all five of my written summaries last Thursday (two from the first week, two from the current week, and one extra credit assignment). FINALLY! It only took me three weeks to figure out what he wanted. Damn.

Second verse, same as the first

After last week's "psychology" class from hell (refresher here), I didn't think things could get any worse or more ridiculous. By this point in my life, I should know that things can ALWAYS get worse or more ridiculous. Sweet.

For a detailed recap of how Thursday went, please see the refresher post. This week's time line was almost exactly like the last class, minute for minute. Because I had a hunch that this was going to happen again, I saved all of my reading for the two and a half hours of class where I'd have nothing better to do. I brought my laptop to the first class, but because the building where this waste of time is held is on the outskirts of campus, the wireless signal doesn't reach. Killing time on the internet was a no-go.

"But Enforcer," you might say, "you still have your cell phone." Wrong. During the first class, Dr. Cromartie made it very clear that if he sees anyone with a cell phone in their hand during class time, he will subtract 30 points from your final class point total. So far, he's done it to three people. He followed the third person into the hallway after he saw her pull her phone out of her bag. I've been known to take my entire purse into the ladies' room because he can't question me taking my purse and he certainly can't follow me into the loo to bust me. While safe in the confines of the stalls, I send DJC text messages laced with profanity and threats of violence. So yeah, studying is the only thing I can do during the first two and half hours of class.

Anyways, my turn finally came to deliver my video summaries. I learned during last week's slaughter-fest that shorter summaries are definitely the way to go. Dr. Cromartie glanced over the second week's summaries and accepted them. WOOT, I thought. I then handed him my corrected summaries from the first week. Immediately, he picked out the one freaking quote I included, circled it and informed me that the comma belongs inside the quotes, handed BOTH summaries back to me and told me to hand them in next week. Holy shit, REALLY?!?!? At that point, I was certain that he'd never bother to actually read the summaries themselves. He even had a ruler out at one point and was measuring margins. No shit.

Well, here's the real test. During class, I realized that one of the videos I watched and recapped was the wrong one. Let's see if he notices. My bet is that he won't. I probably could have written the entire thing in Farsi and he wouldn't have caught it. But put a fucking comma outside the quotation marks and look out!

And, I don't know why I didn't catch this before last Thursday, but the class, officially titled "Life Span Psychology," has NOTHING to do with life span or psychology. Our book is a sociology book. The videos focus on various aspects of society, such as the study of the social stratification throughout history. God help me if any of the nursing schools I apply to ever ask me about what I've learned in life span psychology. I honestly don't know what I'd say.

The worst part is that Dr. Cromartie happens to be the department chair for the Social Sciences program. If I were to complain (which I'm strongly considering) I'd have to go over his head, and I don't know who that is. He obviously has to report to someone, but finding that person is proving to be more than difficult.

In short, I'm pissed. I'm basically paying for overpriced basic grammar and discipline lessons, while not learning anything about a core requirement for most nursing schools. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I HATE when my time is so blatantly wasted. Fuck this class.

You're supposed to feed a cold, right?

And starve the flu? Have I got that right? If not, I don't know what the hell is going on with me, then. Long story short, I am as sick as a dog right now. Have been since I woke up on Saturday morning. Not that it's slowed me, or my appetite, down too much, though...

Saturday night, DJC, BL and I hit San Francisco to blow off a little steam and to check out on of my fave DJs ever, the darn cool Sam Pool (also known as SPL). Last time we caught up with this guy was in November and he was spinning dubstep, which he is not that well known for. Hard and rough drum n' bass is his specialty and Saturday night, he was scheduled to drop "gunshots to the chest" at Underground SF. We feared that the place would be packed seeing as that it was Pride weekend, but there were the perfect amount of people there; not so many that dancing was difficult, but not too few that the night could be considered a bust. Anyways, we drank. And drank. Shenanigans ensued. BL slept in his car. It was an awesome night full of good friends and great music.

The next morning I awoke to an empty tummy. Feeling pretty shitty, I decided that the only thing worth eating could be found at McDonald's. Now, it's probably been a good 5 years, maybe more, since I've been to a McDonald's. Seriously. But for whatever reason, I NEEDED a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, hash browns, a McCafe, and orange juice. To add insult to injury, I didn't even get out of the car when I went. Hey, the drive-thru was empty and I was tired, damn it. GO ME!!

Let me just say that I enjoyed every single greasy-ass bite of breakfast. And, my iced vanilla McCafe latte was better than the ones I get at Chargebucks. Yeah, seriously! I got it with nonfat milk (which is pretty hilarious considering my calorie fest with the actual food I got) and it was cheaper than anything Chargebucks offers. I might never go back there again and just stick with the McCafe!! Weird, I know.

Yesterday, I woke up with a miserable sore throat and a craving for donuts. Sure, I could have just gone to Jamba Juice and gotten something healthy, but when I'm sick, the body gets what the body wants. I savored every bite of a delicious glazed donut.

Today, my car just mysteriously steered itself to Taco Bell for a Volcano taco (OMG, YUM!)

Needless to say, if I don't get well enough to make it back to the gym soon, I'm gonna be in some serious trouble! LOL!

3 hours I will never get back

Ooooooh, I'm in a bad mood, y'all. I just wasted three hours in a stuffy choir room full of understandably agitated people and one professor who thinks the world revolves around him. I hate nothing more than for my time to be so blatantly wasted as it was earlier this morning. Here's a full run-down of how today's installment of Psychology 128 went. Hang on tight, because this was one ri-goddamn-diculous ride...

9:37am: Show up for class in stuffy choir room. Find seat. Resume studying for exam that is scheduled to happen during today's class. Class begins at 9:40am.
9:55am: Dr. Cromartie walks in. He informed us during the first class that he is to be addressed ONLY as Dr. Cromartie, because that's the relationship that he has with his students. Well, la di dah, Doctor.
10am: After much paper shuffling, Dr. Cromartie calls roll. This takes an inordinate amount of time because the only answers he will accept when your name is called are "present" or "here". You'd think that it wouldn't be that difficult, but for some people it is. He will continue to call your name until you say either "present or here". This can take a while.
10:20am: Dr. Cromartie calls us up in groups of 10 to turn in our homework assignments. These consist of two written summaries of videos that we were to watch outside of the class. He gave us a very strict set of formatting rules for these summaries. If the rules were not followed, he informs us that the summaries will be returned in order for corrections to be made and re-submitted during the following week's class. As I watched group after group attempt to turn in their work, I noticed that he gave nearly every single person their papers back for corrections.
10:45am: I am called up. I thought I had done the assignment properly and looked forward to receiving comments on my thoughtful analysis of the videos. Unfortunately, I had included a colon in the title of each of my summaries. He circled the colons and handed my papers back. After this spectacle, I'm fairly certain that he'll never read the summaries to see if we're actually learning any of the material. He's only concerned with whether or not we're capable of conforming to his silly formatting rules. I'm tempted to insert a paragraph in my next summary with all sorts of curse words and personal insults just to see if he does read them. Needless to say, I was pissed. Not only had over AN HOUR of classtime passed, we hadn't yet taken the exam and I could see no end in sight to this paper correcting business. Out of 78 students, he took 8 people's work. Wow.
11:17am: The assignment butchering extravaganza ends. Whew, I thought. At least we still had a little over an hour to complete the exam. Plenty of time. Then, Dr. Cromartie simply walked out of the stuffy choir room. He didn't say where he was going, he just left. After about 15 minutes, I scanned the room for hidden cameras hoping that this class is actually just one big psychology experiment and that Dr. Cromartie would publish his findings at the end of the summer. There could be no other explanation for him leaving us all in the room with nothing to do for close to FORTY MINUTES!!

HOLY SHIT UPDATE: Michael Jackson died today?! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Dude, the Thriller album came out when I was like 6 or 7 and I instantly loved it. After all these years I STILL frickin' love it. Even though he was a freaky alleged child molester, his music rocked the world and turned it upside down. RIP, King of Pop. You will be missed. (this deserves its own post...and I'll get there, believe you me)

Now back to your regularly scheduled rant...

11:59am: Dr. Cromartie strolls back in with two stacks of papers like he hasn't just been MIA for forty minutes. He passes out one stack and then complains that the papers are not being handed around quickly enough. We look...its not the exam. It is a 3 page extra credit assignment, complete with one full page of formatting instructions. He picks a student in the front row to read the instructions in their entirety...aloud. The whole time I'm thinking FML. EFF! EMM! ELL!
12:02pm: We finally get the exam. For those who have done their reading and have watched the stupid videos, this "exam" is not really that difficult. But I can imagine that for some people in the class, you know, the ones who have an issue with roll call, 28 minutes might not be enough time.
12:28pm: I hand in my exam and scantron and leave, absolutely fuming.

For someone who is SO fucking crazy about us coming to class prepared and on time, this asshole made us wait for 40 minutes while he went to xerox the exams because they weren't ready. And then he made announcement after announcement DURING the exam time! I honestly expected someone to jump out of the music storage area to let us all know that we were on Candid Camera and that they were waiting to see who would crack first (hint: it wasn't me). I hate when my time is wasted like that. I mean really, couldn't we have taken the exam FIRST, turn in our papers for him to correct outside of class and call it a day? Wouldn't that make much more sense? Seriously.

Weekend mental shenanigans

On Thursday afternoon, after possibly the most entertaining and simultaneously scary psychology class I have ever attended, I headed across campus to get the lowdown on Drug Dose Calculations. The professor gave me copious written materials, a syllabus and...a math review pre-test, sans calculators. Really?! No calculators?! How archaic!!! When I saw the pre-test, my blood pressure SHOT up about 20 points.

You see, I have a confession. Despite having graduated from one of the top public universities in the nation, I cannot do basic arithmetic. Like, at all. Embarrassing, I know. As I quickly scanned the page, the problems literally made me panic. I briefly considered the fact that maybe this required class was a deal-breaker and that this wasn't the nursing school for me. When I expressed my concern, the professor ensured me that people generally do well in this class and that I really shouldn't worry. Ha, I thought...those people can probably remember how to do a long division problem or how to work with mixed numbers. Me, on the other hand, not so much. And scanning over the syllabus, I saw that the first exam was in five days! HOLY SHIT!! I was close to calling it quits...

But, at the professor's urging, I ordered the book and the CD, paid an assload to have them shipped overnight, and gave it a shot. And you know what, I *did* remember how to do most of the stuff. The CD provided a decent refresher and I was able to work through the first three assignments with minimal struggle. I'm still not totally at ease and there are some things that I definitely need to work on, but actually trying and being able to do the problems was a huge confidence booster. From the time the book arrived on Friday afternoon until about 2pm yesterday, I busted my ass.

Saturday afternoon, DJC decided we needed to go out to grab something to eat. He took me to Jupiter and we sat out in the sun, drank beer (Anderson Valley Summer Solstice on tap!) and ate delicious pizza. For the first time since I realized I had missed the first day of class, I was able to relax and actually enjoy myself. The sun felt amazing, the beer was cold and refreshing and the company couldn't have been better. And just like that, all was well again. I felt calm, confident and ready to tackle this class to the best of my abilities. DJC's good like that. Most times, he knows exactly how to mellow me out when I'm close to losing it.

I also forgot to add that after much searching, we finally found a store in the east bay that carries our new fave pinot. DJC called up the Wine.com warehouse in Berkeley and sure enough, they had six bottles of Undone pinot noir from Germany on hand. After our lovely day in the sun, we quickly rushed over to snag all six. We first tried this delicate pinot at Marc 49 in Oakland and instantly fell in love. If you like pinot, you must give this stuff a try. Its definitely different from other pinots in that it is aged in stainless steel tanks and is much lighter in color, btut don't be scared off by those things. Undone is delicious and I'm so happy we found it! In fact, DJC ordered an entire case from the Wine.com folks! YAY!

For now, its back to work for me! Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Have a great week!

Crisis averted

I experienced a true "holy shit" moment earlier today. You see, summer classes start this week. I was all ready for Life Span Psychology, which starts tomorrow morning. Drug Dose Calculations, per an email I received from the professor, was scheduled to start on Tuesday the 26th. She informed me that the class was over-enrolled, but if I showed up on the first day of class, she would add me in. Ok, I thought. Tuesday the 26th was on my schedule.

Wait a sec...the 26th is a Friday. Uh-oh. Did she mean Tuesday the 16th? I bet she meant the 16th. Oh shit. That means that I MISSED THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS!!! I need to complete this class in order to be able to apply in the fall! HOLY SHIT. I totally panicked. I might have cried, although I can't be sure. I definitely whimpered, though.

When the room stopped spinning, I got it together and emailed the professor (and included her email stating that the class started on the 26th) to ask if she actually meant the 16th and if it was still possible for me to get in to the class even though I missed the entire first day (!!!). She responded almost instantly, apologizing and stating that even though she had turned away roughly 30 people because she just couldn't accommodate any more, she'd allow me to enroll.

Whew. Thank goodness. We exchanged several emails and she asked me to stop by her office tomorrow so that she can give me the class orientation. Apparently, all the content and assignments are online and the pace of the class is VERY fast. How fast, you ask? The first exam is next Tuesday. That's right...I haven't even read a single lecture yet, and in less than a week, I will be tested on the material. Holy shit x2!

The only thing I feel slightly bad about is the fact that her emails were littered with statements like this: "My official office hours are 1-4 but if you want to come between 12 and 1, that’s ok. I may just be munching my lunch but I don’t mind. It’s the least I can do after giving you the wrong information." I don't want to bother her! I don't want to put her out! But damn it, I would have been in class yesterday if her original email had the correct date on it.

Whatever. At least I'm in. Maybe it was a good thing that I missed class...she did say that she's had to turn away lots of people who did come yesterday...who's to say that I wouldn't have been one of those unlucky folks. Looks like I'll be hitting the books hard this summer!!