Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Actually, my strange day started last night when I came home after the gym. Simply put, the entire house smelled like a toilet. BT, think of our room at the Excalibur that one year where we had raw sewage backing up in the sink. Yeah, it was like that, but minus the actual sewage. What happened, you ask? It's a looooong story, but suffice to say, there's a drain blocked somewhere below us. We were unable to open the windows due to the smell. Couple that shit stink with last night's heat, and you had two very unhappy campers in myself and DJC.

And then BAM! My vertigo came back with a vengeance. So...if you're keeping score, I was hot, dizzy , beyond tired and pissed off at the smell. Not good. I slept like shit (pardon the pun).

I arrived at work miserable but functional, thanks to Peet's double vanilla latte served up by a funky dude named Andrew. Bless you, coffee barista Andrew. Bless you.

Around lunch time, I called my mother to vent about the smell. In my efforts to climb in the car, take off my blazer, rant, bitch, and manage my purse, I left my phone on the roof of my car (although I don't remember doing this. I was yakking away on my Bluetooth headset, which are now required in California when driving). I started the car, I pulled out into traffic and continued to whine, all the while noticing the increased static I was hearing on the phone line. I sifted through my belongings in the car to find my phone, all to no avail. Then, out of the corner of my eye, just when I was getting super pissed about the staticky connection, I saw my orange LG enV phone slide off the back of my car and into the street. Holy shit. I swung my car around and drove slowly looking for the phone. When I located it, it looked like this:

_ _

Total annihilation. The funny part is that after I forced the front closed, the thing still worked! I can't see anything on the screen, but all the number keys on the inside work. So, provided that I can retrieve people's phone numbers from memory, I can still make a call. Awesome!! Thank goodness I pay for the insurance month after month. Thanks to Nilisa at Verizon, a new phone will be arriving at the office tomorrow. Nice.

Just wait. This is where things get really weird...

After the phone debacle, I returned to the office and went to the restroom in the hall. Out from under the door of the far stall popped a little, fuzzy, wuzzy dog. It caught me off guard, but whatever. Small puffy dog in the bathroom of a corporate building. Sure. Why not. Well, I went into another stall and had just sat down when the dog crept under the partition into my stall and looked up at me. I did nothing but stare back because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. After a minute of the most legit staring contest I've been involved in since grade school, the owner finally called to the pooch and it trotted happily away. Ok, seriously...W.T.F.?!?!?

Finally, tonight, as a last resort, I wobbled over to the pharmacy counter at Safeway to see if the pharmacist could suggest any over-the-counter remedies to stop the spinning in my head. Edmund Lee, Pharm. D., suggested Dramamine. Fucking Dramamine. BRILLIANT! Why hadn't I ever thought of Dramamine?!?! My god, after downing one pill, I feel almost 100%.

In conclusion, I'd like to dedicate this bizarre day to the people that made it easier for me to handle...Andrew, Nilisa, and Edmund at Safeway, here's to you all. Muchisimas gracias!! =)


onthemountain said...

whoa man, i just drove over my ipod and the same result - lightening strikes across the screen.

then it played Man in The Mirror twice.

Time for a new one.


The Enforcer said...

OMG, JZ...you crack me up with the Man in the Mirror thing. Too effing funny! =)